I Am The Writer



There are five stages that best describe writers. We like to refer to this as our process. One must realize one thing about writers, and it was said best by science-fiction, Robert A. Heinlein.

“There is no way that writers can be tamed and rendered civilized or even cured. The only solution known to science is to provide the patient with an isolation room, where he can endure the acute stages in private and where food can be poked in to him with a stick.” Robert A. Heinlein, The Cat Who Walks Through Walls.

Yes, this is very true about the author. We are an untamed animal. We go our own way, but we are also predictable…

  1. Fabulous idea. Love it. Won’t take long at all.

This is the idea part of developing a book. We’re in a glow over a fabulous new concept. Nothing will get us down. We’re in the middle of developing what we’re certain is a international best seller on release day. No disruptions, but wine set on the desk quietly as you back away is nice. A Chablis will work.

  1. What am I doing? This is horrible. No one will like it.

After many hours spent doing research, we’re staring at the blank first page. Actually, we’ve probably been doing this for several hours, after checking in on social media, email, and playing numerous games of solitaire, which, of course, we lost. Disruptions at this point, for mundane things such as meals or the day job, are not advised. Lots of chocolate may bring the writer out of their funk.

  1. Can’t quit now. Too much time invested. Gotta keep going.

We’ve hit the moment when the climax has begun. No, not sex, silly. We’re about to bring the threads of our story together, with a defining moment that will put everything on the path to a satisfying ending. The “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door must be obeyed. Even if the house is on fire. Simply direct firefighters to gently lift the author’s desk and chair as one, of course after they’ve discovered a way to ensure the computer remains on during the transport to a new, temporary office space, until the home can be rebuilt. Oh, don’t forget the myriad of notes scattered everywhere. And bring more wine. Several cases will be nice.

  1. Wahoo! The end is in sight! This story rocks!

This sudden shout, generally done during the wee hours of the morning, will startle babies into bouts of screaming, set dogs barking, and have the cats crawling across the ceiling with their claws firmly embedded. The author is still pounding away on the keyboard. He or she is unaware of what mayhem they’ve just wrought. Their only goal is finishing. Hint: when the police arrive, simply explain the author lost control but is far too busy to disturb. In fact, the idea of being interrupted to be interviewed by the police could possible cause catatonia. We must all go back to sleep and forget the rude awakening.

  1. Is it over? Should I add more? Oh wait… another idea.


Yes, the author has completed their book. Revision and editing still must happen, but for now, your slightly crazed partner is at rest. Don’t be surprised to see them rummaging through social media. Forget the sound of food being prepared at three in the morning. Ignore the mutterings about this scene or that being all wrong. It’s just the author preparing for the next round.

Now that you understand the mechanics of our job, I’m sure you’ll send chocolate and wine. I feel an idea coming on…


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